finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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