Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
