if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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