low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
