I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I enjoy the company of your penis
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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