forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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