the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
