i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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