Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
