Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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