Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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