you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
