that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
