Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
