My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize