Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It was like giving head to a cactus.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
