I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
