I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
