is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
