another moral hangover. fuck.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
