Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
