Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
