Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
