i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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