so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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