I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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