I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
