Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
