i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
