apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize