I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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