you guys were way drunker than both of me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
