I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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