Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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