Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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