My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
