Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
