I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
