Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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