first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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