Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
