sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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