hotel room ftw
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
