You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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