hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
