Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
