My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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