have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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