You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
