Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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