i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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