after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
