my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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