Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just gift wrapped bread.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Randomize
