margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i need an iv and a liver transplant
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
