Moan for me like Helen Keller
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
