p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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