By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My ass is underappreciated
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
