she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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