She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
