Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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