He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
