oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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