stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
