i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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