Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
