it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
