She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
