I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
