I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
