I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
