i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
