I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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