I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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