I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
