I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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