do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
