If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
