That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
