Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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