Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
