Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
