I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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