Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize