Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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