She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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