As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
